it's like each day i'm losing hope. i pity myself for feeling this way but hey at least i still get to feel..

i just want someone to be there. someone to sneak out with at night just to go for a ride or a midnight mcdonald's run. someone to exchange rants and blabs with. someone i can share a "secret place" with. someone i can do crazy things with. because it takes quite a lot of time and effort for me to be that comfortable with a person i like, especially if we didn't start as friends. i tend to be cautious and conscious, because i think i might do something that might turn him off. i want someone to make me not feel this way, someone who makes me feel like it's okay to be makulit and kengkoy without actually saying it. i want someone that's gonna make me let my guards down and think "hey that wasn't bad at all. that actually felt so good. IT WAS WORTH IT." i just want to have someone whom i can pour all these emotions out to, emotions i was afraid of showing to anyone before. i want to experience being head over heels over someone.

well you know what they say, you can't get everything you want. it's sad, really. and rude. why, why can't we get what we want? why can't we stop wanting what we can't have, either?

i hate you for hurting me. i hate how easy for you it is to just leave me hanging. i'll tell you what.. it is the rudest thing to make someone get used to something and, poof, one day you wake up and decide to take that thing away.

i got the feeling you weren't interested in any way but you could've been frank and just told me instead. yes, that probably wouldn't hurt less, but then at least i wouldn't wait for you to reach out to me again. at least then i'd know you were done. because you disappearing without any warning is killing me. it kills me that i still have the smallest bit of hope that maybe tomorrow will be the day that you'll change your mind. it kills me to know that if that happens, it won't take me a second to run to you and hug you and accept you as if nothing happened.

(so this is what it feels like to hate AND want something so bad at the same time)

it bothers me how i know it's you even if i only see you from behind. how i look for you in a crowd even if the odds that you'd be there were minute. how i wish it was your name that would pop up every time my phone beeps. it bothers me —hurts me, even— because i know we don't share the same sentiments. 

FILM
holga | yashica

they say when you're with the person you like, you don't notice others anymore;
he's the only person you see, like everything else is a blur.

to me, it's the total opposite.
when i see you, i can't look straight
i never make eye contacts
i fear that my eyes may linger longer than they should if i did
i wish i looked at you as much as i could though,
because now i'm not certain if i'll ever get the chance again.

she's waiting for that someone who will make her not think twice
she's starting to doubt if someone will ever come

do boys replay scenarios in their heads as much as girls do?

do boys notice as much details as girls do when they talk?

do boys discreetly search for the girl they like in a sea of people?

do boys get butterflies, too?

do boys feel these too when they like someone?

i hope you like me

i hope you do